we learn that through all of life there runs a ground note of cosmic disappointment. you are never going to lead a wise life until you understand that. jacob said, "if i can just get rachel, everything will be ok." and he goes to bed with the one who he thinks is rachel, and literally, the hebrew says, "in the morning, behold, it was leah." one commentator noted about this verse, "this is a miniature of our disillusionment, experienced from eden onwards." what does this mean? with all due respect to this woman (from whom we have much to learn), it means that no matter what we put our hopes in, in the morning, it is always leah, never rachel.

...when the lord saw that leah was not loved, he loved her. god was saying, "i am the real bridegroom. i am the husband for the husbandless. i am the father of the fatherless." this is the god who saves by grace...he loves the unwanted, the weak and unloved. he is not just a king and we are the subjects; he is not just a shepherd and we are the sheep. he is a husband and we are his spouse. he is ravished with us--even those of us whom no one else notices.

...who can i turn to who is so beautiful that he will enable me to escape all counterfeit gods? there is only one answer to this question. as the poet george herbert wrote, looking at jesus on the cross: "thou art my loveliness, my life, my light, beauty alone to me."

-counterfeit gods

team jacob.

"she's a dancer when she dances she is free
and three in the morning and the clouds rise in the east to
frank sinatra which her parents put on repeat, on repeat"

i realized today how much i really love to dance. just everywhere. all the time. george and amy laughed at me in chickfila because i evidently dance instead of walk. thankfully they don't judge me for it.


also, there's something that's pervading lost...something other than the usual warped continuums and utter confusion...

i'm starting to be more and more blown away at the beautiful biblical allegory that's sweeping through lost. the writers so poignantly weave redemption, evil, confusion, and faith into the stories...this show has always been a favorite of mine. definitely my favorite drama. but now it's such a great microcosm of human failure entwined with supernatural love. i can't handle how much i love it. not so much the show as the discussions afterwards. all the questions that go unanswered. (drew roy definitely qualifies as the best person to watch it with.)


but i'm going to be piiisssssed if sayid doesn't go back to the good side. beautiful metaphors or not. flock suuuucks.

thursday

i really love days like today because really small things become noticeable to me. i saw a girl who had green eyes with a tiny little brown flecks in them. they were beautiful. there are also little yellow and pink rivers of melting sidewalk chalk.
people are trekking around with bare feet, and i like it.
i will eat lunch with a good friend today. and see more good friends tonight.

i have a new favorite word: bumble (v.) to happen across; to aimlessly wander; to trip over something; to dance awkwardly but still have a good time
(as defined by me, and not merriam-webster.)\

i suppose that you could be "bumbly" as well. maybe if it's springtime and you're jolly and a little clumsy. i'll think about it.


i feel ramble-y and content.

arrested

narrator: michael realized that his father had even taken control of the banana stand. but he still had some unanswered questions, so he did a little detective work.

michael bluth: you burned down the storage unit?

tbone: oh, most definitely.

marginal(ish)

well amybug, this is a post that only you will read because you are my only follower. but i kindof like it like that.

i've been antsy. in the last couple of days i’ve realized why i'm uncomfortable. i feel smallish. i feel like my passions and personality and future are conventional. i feel like my school lends itself to teaching kids or to being a mom. (don't get me wrong, both of those things are incredible. i just don't know that they're what i need to be doing.) i feel like my talents are nice and useful for church—but not dazzling. i feel like i could leave tomorrow and most of my friends would miss me for a couple of days…but could do without me just as easily. i feel like i am unimpactful. (is that a word? nope.)

and then i sit here and also realize that i am literally a whiny 5-year-old right now. like that chubby, sunburned kid that channing and i saw at seaside who flung his arms behind him as far as they could go, flopped his head over, and stomped angrily down the hill. i’m being just as ridiculous.

god have given me purpose. he has given me my talents and passions. i may feel small. but, placing the intense urge for self-promotion aside, i can admit that i am small. tiny.
you, however, are magnificent.

…therefore this joy of mine is now complete. he must increase, but i must decrease. (john 3:29-30)

ps. spring is here

the first

i have myself a little blog now. i like it.

i'm getting really pumped about this weekend..starting good friday i will:
only go to my bio class
skip the other two and go to the park
have a wonderful picnic
spend all day outside chilling and hiking
and then i'll go home to see my family.

doesn't that sound like a good plan?
yep.



(for amy: ask yo mama how she durrin.)